Well, here we are…Two weeks before the greatest game in the world--bored out of our skulls. It’s a shame the NFL geniuses decided on hype over logic and went with this “media build-up” crap instead of going with the momentum like they used to. Making it worse, they put the Pro Bowl on before the Super Bowl, which of course means the game featuring “the best players in the league” doesn’t include anyone from “the best two teams in the league”! Ugh.
But that’s no reason not to help YOU idiots get thru this boredom with the best advice in this or any other league! (Even for you few chicks out there who’re outta my league. Ha!) It’s a short one this week, so let’s get right to ‘em:
Beer Abby:
Who do you think was the overall winner of all the Republican Primaries?
Richard Perry
Slipup, CO
Dear Richard:
Without a doubt, the winner was Barack Obama. All those morons are helping him more than the GOP! (That’s “Greedy, Old and Pasty.”) What a shame!
Hey, Bru:
I just saw on the news that the Fed said rates will remain low until late 2014. That means interest rates will stay absurdly low for another two years! Where should I put my money?
A. Greenspan
Washington, D.C.
Hey, A.:
Put your money where your mouth is: Stock up on non-perishables and canned goods--you’ll need ‘em for 12/21/12. If nothing happens that day, have a “We Survived!” party with your neighbors. Since they’ll have probably dumped everything in anticipation of the end of time, they’ll be happy for the free food! Then you can make some much-needed changes like making them give back your borrowed stuff and get rid of those noisy pets. Win-win!
Hey Bru-Hed--
I took your advice last week and bet on the 49ers to win by three and lost my ass. I need my money back. Who do you like for the Pro Bowl?
Jim Harbalk
San Francisco, CA
Hey, Jim--
Dude, if you’re going to bet with me, ya gotta do all or nothin’. I said Ravens by 7, which covered. (The bonus was to dip Pats with the over, which lost, but that was an extra. Even if you did that, it was a wash.) I said SF by 3 (but rooted for the Giants--CONGRATS, G-MEN!!!!) but said I’d do a teaser with NY and the over, which won!
So I went 2-1. If you did all, you went 2-2 and you’re only out the vig. Your ass should be intact.
As for the Pro Bowl, avoid it! The only reason to ever bet on that game was because you lost the farm on the Super Bowl and needed to break even. Now that it’s been moved to the week before, there’s no real reason to touch it. Unless you’re a gambling addict, in which case I’ll bet you end up losing dough no matter who you take!
(I’ll be rootin’ for the NFC, of course.) Go get help: call Anonymous Gamblers and buy some decent picks!
Beer Abby--
I got engaged and now am helping my future wife plan the wedding. I went out with her to Bed, Bath & Beyond to put stuff on the registry and actually had a good time! I thought I would hate it, but we had fun. Am I gay?
BBBY-Curious
Flatware, MI
Dear Curious:
Clever touch with the stock symbol. Wish I’d thought of it. To answer your question, it depends. If you enjoyed it because you were spending time with your bride-to-be, no prob. If you actually enjoyed looking at plates, glasses, silverware, bedding, kitchen utensils and that kinda crap, you should just give her your sack o’ nuts now and start borrowing her clothes!
Okay, last one before I go back to ESPN:
Beer Abby--
Why do you insult people in the “disclaimer” at the bottom of the column?
S. Esteem
Confusion, KS
Dear S.--
Because I insult people throughout the column, so I need to be consistent. Besides, none of you ADD-addled losers read that part anyway, so what’s the diff? If you do read it, give a comment!
And speaking of such, click on the “Contact” link at the top o’ this page and send me a question for next time! I’ll take any subject--I know more than you, remember?
Next time,
Bru
P.S.: You can get my awesome paperback collection, THE COLLECTED BRU-HED, for a too-cheap price just $10.00--US postage included! That’s THREE bucks off the cover price and Yours Bruly pays the insane postage cost for you! You get 128 pages of b & w fun-filled comics and more. For details or to place your order, click here TODAY.
DISCLAIMER: Bru-Hed is not a licensed politico, pundit or podiatrist. He’s just a talking Hed. No advice is given or implied, unless you’re a complete stoop. All information herein is meant for entertainment and chuckling purposes only. All material sent to us becomes the property of Schism Comics and All Ages Media, and will be considered for publication. No guarantees unless you send cool old beer cans. We reserve the right to edit all letters for space and humor, and insert any of the latter if you got none. Bru-Hed created by Mike Pascale. Artwork by M.P. and/or Dean Armstrong. Nothing may be reproduced in any way by you or your unwashed relatives. Contents copyright 2011 All Ages Media/Mike Pascale. “Bru-Hed”, “America’s Favorite Blockhead” and all likenesses thereof are trademarks of Schism Comics/All Ages Media. If you’re reading this, Contact us and get an original sketch card of Bru for just five bucks postpaid! Unless you’re too dumb to find the button, of course...
©2012 All Ages Media
But that’s no reason not to help YOU idiots get thru this boredom with the best advice in this or any other league! (Even for you few chicks out there who’re outta my league. Ha!) It’s a short one this week, so let’s get right to ‘em:
Beer Abby:
Who do you think was the overall winner of all the Republican Primaries?
Richard Perry
Slipup, CO
Dear Richard:
Without a doubt, the winner was Barack Obama. All those morons are helping him more than the GOP! (That’s “Greedy, Old and Pasty.”) What a shame!
Hey, Bru:
I just saw on the news that the Fed said rates will remain low until late 2014. That means interest rates will stay absurdly low for another two years! Where should I put my money?
A. Greenspan
Washington, D.C.
Hey, A.:
Put your money where your mouth is: Stock up on non-perishables and canned goods--you’ll need ‘em for 12/21/12. If nothing happens that day, have a “We Survived!” party with your neighbors. Since they’ll have probably dumped everything in anticipation of the end of time, they’ll be happy for the free food! Then you can make some much-needed changes like making them give back your borrowed stuff and get rid of those noisy pets. Win-win!
Hey Bru-Hed--
I took your advice last week and bet on the 49ers to win by three and lost my ass. I need my money back. Who do you like for the Pro Bowl?
Jim Harbalk
San Francisco, CA
Hey, Jim--
Dude, if you’re going to bet with me, ya gotta do all or nothin’. I said Ravens by 7, which covered. (The bonus was to dip Pats with the over, which lost, but that was an extra. Even if you did that, it was a wash.) I said SF by 3 (but rooted for the Giants--CONGRATS, G-MEN!!!!) but said I’d do a teaser with NY and the over, which won!
So I went 2-1. If you did all, you went 2-2 and you’re only out the vig. Your ass should be intact.
As for the Pro Bowl, avoid it! The only reason to ever bet on that game was because you lost the farm on the Super Bowl and needed to break even. Now that it’s been moved to the week before, there’s no real reason to touch it. Unless you’re a gambling addict, in which case I’ll bet you end up losing dough no matter who you take!
(I’ll be rootin’ for the NFC, of course.) Go get help: call Anonymous Gamblers and buy some decent picks!
Beer Abby--
I got engaged and now am helping my future wife plan the wedding. I went out with her to Bed, Bath & Beyond to put stuff on the registry and actually had a good time! I thought I would hate it, but we had fun. Am I gay?
BBBY-Curious
Flatware, MI
Dear Curious:
Clever touch with the stock symbol. Wish I’d thought of it. To answer your question, it depends. If you enjoyed it because you were spending time with your bride-to-be, no prob. If you actually enjoyed looking at plates, glasses, silverware, bedding, kitchen utensils and that kinda crap, you should just give her your sack o’ nuts now and start borrowing her clothes!
Okay, last one before I go back to ESPN:
Beer Abby--
Why do you insult people in the “disclaimer” at the bottom of the column?
S. Esteem
Confusion, KS
Dear S.--
Because I insult people throughout the column, so I need to be consistent. Besides, none of you ADD-addled losers read that part anyway, so what’s the diff? If you do read it, give a comment!
And speaking of such, click on the “Contact” link at the top o’ this page and send me a question for next time! I’ll take any subject--I know more than you, remember?
Next time,
Bru
P.S.: You can get my awesome paperback collection, THE COLLECTED BRU-HED, for a too-cheap price just $10.00--US postage included! That’s THREE bucks off the cover price and Yours Bruly pays the insane postage cost for you! You get 128 pages of b & w fun-filled comics and more. For details or to place your order, click here TODAY.
DISCLAIMER: Bru-Hed is not a licensed politico, pundit or podiatrist. He’s just a talking Hed. No advice is given or implied, unless you’re a complete stoop. All information herein is meant for entertainment and chuckling purposes only. All material sent to us becomes the property of Schism Comics and All Ages Media, and will be considered for publication. No guarantees unless you send cool old beer cans. We reserve the right to edit all letters for space and humor, and insert any of the latter if you got none. Bru-Hed created by Mike Pascale. Artwork by M.P. and/or Dean Armstrong. Nothing may be reproduced in any way by you or your unwashed relatives. Contents copyright 2011 All Ages Media/Mike Pascale. “Bru-Hed”, “America’s Favorite Blockhead” and all likenesses thereof are trademarks of Schism Comics/All Ages Media. If you’re reading this, Contact us and get an original sketch card of Bru for just five bucks postpaid! Unless you’re too dumb to find the button, of course...
©2012 All Ages Media
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