Again I say, holy monkey crap! It's been a full year of "Beer Abby"! Fifty-two weeks, twelve months of fun, facts, advice and angry rants for you readers! Seems like we were just celebrating my 50th column a couple weeks ago, don’t it? Congrats to me again. And you, for reading me! It’s been the best year of my life. Well, more like 52nd best.
How about you? How have I changed your miserable life for the better? Have you gotten married (or better yet, laid) as a result of my advice? Have you landed a less crappy job? Have you cut down on the drugs, booze, hookers, gambling, or collecting worthless comics because of my tough love? TELL ME! Post a friggin’ comment or send me one. I’m in a vacuum here, and it’s all dusty and stinky. I think it’s an old Kirby. (I like old Kirby, but the kind that tells stories, not the kind that sucks.)
After this, I think I’ll take some time off to relax, recover, recuperate and rejuvenate. How much? I’ll let ya know.
For now, let's get to the latest crop of crap--err, I mean questions:
Happy anniversary! I noticed that this is your 52nd column.
Did you know that 5 + 2 equals 7, the number seven wins (and loses) at craps, 777 is in the Bible and mythology and metaphysics, seven is the number worn by John Elway, Joe Theisman, Ben Roethlisberger and Michael Vick (who killed at least seven dogs), and that there are seven days in a week, seven Wonders of the World, Seven Samurai, Seven Dwarves, Seven Deadly Sins, seven continents, seven seas, seven signs of the Apocalypse, seven cities of gold, seven ages of man, seven days of creation, seven pounds of flesh, seven hills of Rome, Seven Brides for Seven Brothers, a seventh son of a seventh son, a Seven Sons Meat Company, several Seven Salons, a Seven-Year Itch, a seven-ounce giant Hershey’s Kiss, and is part of 7-11 that sells 7-Up, seven-grain Kashi cereal, seven-ounce bags of Jolly Ranchers, and a movie named Se7en?
Did you also know that 5 x 2 equals ten, and ten times five equals 50, which is the milestone you reached two weeks ago? And that there are 50 states in the USA, 50 is a golden anniversary and that old comics are called the Golden Age, 10 letters in “Apocalypse” (of which there are SEVEN signs) and that 10 plus 1 equals 11, which wins (and loses) at craps, and is part of 7-11 that sells 7-Up, seven-grain Kashi cereal, seven-ounce bags of Jolly Ranchers, and a movie named Se7en?
And did you also know that there are 52 weeks in a year, 52 contestants for Miss America, 52 cards in a deck, which is used in casinos where they also play craps, where the numbers 7 and 11 can win (or lose) and that both are part of 7-11 that sells 7-Up, seven-grain Kashi cereal, seven-ounce bags of Jolly Ranchers, and a movie named Se7en??
Svenson the VII
Seven Points, TX
No, I didn’t know that. Thanks for sucking up all the room in my column!
Well, that does it for now. See you in seven days…maybe!
All the beast,